Publish "Show What Your Mind Sees" paragraphs here!

[Publishing Voice]

If you've used our "Show What Your Mind Sees" lesson at the WritingFix Website-- (mentor text = The Twits by Roald Dahl)

 

Click here to access this freely shared writing lesson! 

 

--and you have up to three edited student samples to share with us, you can post them by copying and pasting them from your computer into our "Reply to This" box below; you may also add samples by adding them as uploaded attachments (like Word documents) to the box below.

 

Very Important:  Please only share your students' first names and grade level with us when you post.  Do not post last names or school names, or the posts will be deleted.

 

Twenty-five Teachers every semester will win a free classroom resource!  Each semester, we choose 25 new students to publish at our online lessons directly at the world-famous WritingFix website. To have your students' writing considered, it can be posted below in the box underneath  this posting.  In November and May, we will select the 25 students whose writing impressed us the most, and if your student(s) is selected, you will be asked to choose from any of the NNWP Print Publications (http://www.unr.edu/educ/nnwp/publications.html) for us to send to your classroom.

 

Help us celebrate your writers.

 

--Corbett Harrison, WritingFix Webmaster

[rccjdickson]

Austin, Grade 5

 

The Storm

1^st Draft

 

The weather was stormy. It brought a terrified look to a brown-headed boy’s face. The murky clouds rolled in and created the affect of a haunted grave yard at midnight. 

As the thunder groaned, the lightning crackled with a sinister laugh.  The rain on the window sounded like the firing of a machine gun, Pu, Pu, Pu, Pu …. All at once it turned into a glittering, gleaming rainbow. The terrified look on the brown-headed boy’s face turned to a smile.  

 

 

The Storm

2^nd Draft

 

The weather was stormy. It brought a terrified look to a brown-headed boy’s face. Misty, murky clouds rolled in and created the affect of a haunted grave yard at midnight. 

With thunder groaning, the nearby lightning crackled with a sinister laugh. Overhead heavy rain on the window sounded like the firing of a machine gun, Pu, Pu, Pu, Pu …. All at once it turned into a glittering, gleaming rainbow. The terrified look on the brown-headed boy’s face began to resemble a smile.

 

 

 

                                                                                 The Storm

3^rd Draft

 

 

The weather was stormy. It brought a terrified look to a brown-headed boy’s face. Misty, murky clouds rolled in and created the affect of a haunted grave yard at midnight. As the thunder was groaning, the nearby lightning crackled with a sinister laugh. Overhead heavy rain on the windows sounded like the firing of a machine gun, Pu, Pu, Pu, Pu …. All at once it turned into a glittering, gleaming rainbow. The terrified look on the brown-headed boy’s face began to resemble a smile.

 

[Louise Hull]

“Show What Your Mind Sees”

Writing Based on The Twits by Roald Dahl

The dog was scary. Its beady yellow eyes pierced through the darkness. The bulldog intimidated us, making us step back. His long, curved teeth curled up over his lip. He eyed us suspiciously, his tough, brown, furry body almost engulfing his face. His deep growl made us fear to imagine what would happen if he decided we were a foe.

Benjamin, Grade 8

The kitchen was dirty. There was scum, grease and grime on the floor and walls, and it had a putrid stench to it. The dishes were spread across the stained counter top, and piled high in the sink was old Chinese food slopped on the table and sticky apple juice on the cabinet doors. In the corner of the room there was a mother mouse feeding its babies. The sight of the kitchen made me throw up in my mouth. Nicholas, Grade 8

Away in the deserted and run down junk yard rested an old black and rusty truck. It looked as though it had been through a war due to its cracked windows and missing left rear door. Every time it was ignited it gave off smoke and squirted oil out of the engine due to the missing hood. It rattled as if it was playing an instrument in a karaoke band. But what really made this truck tired and of no useful use was the abuse that it endured from its former owner. For he had abused it so much that he didn't bother to replace its tailgate or replace the broken windows that had been knocked out for so many years. And with its old frame ready to give out, that old black and rusty truck will finally be out to rest and used for parts and scrapped. Joshua, Grade 8

[Julie Seymour]

“Show What Your Mind Sees”

Writing Based on The Twits by Roald Dahl

The purple book with a Spaniard, a giant, a prince, a six -fingered man, and two lovers on the cover had caught my attention. It told a story of a young maiden who fell in love but sadly, her lover died. A prince made her a princess and his bride, but she did not love him. Right before her wedding, her lover came back and told her he was never dead. In the end, the giant helps the Spaniard gets his revenge on the six-fingered man and the lovers live happily ever after. In other words, the book was very interesting.  Sophia, Grade 6

 

The kitten purred in its glass cage as people walked by in the pet store. Its adorable blue eyes made kids jump up and down with delight. Almost everyone stopped to look at the small, fuzzy body. Toddlers pressed their noses up against the side to watch the curved little tail wave all around. People admired the tiny brown and grey paws against the glass. The kids pleaded with their moms to get the kitten. Even the moms couldn’t resist. “Okay,” they replied. But not everybody could take home the same kitten. The kitten was cute. Sophie, Grade 6

 

In a dark and dank forest, the little girl by a big, blue lake shook constantly. As the big town clock went "ding-dong" to signal midnight, the alligators crept nearer and nearer. The alligators probably used to be okay looking, but now they were ugly, horrid creatures. Their teeth were crooked, gnarled, bent, and yellow all over. The girl's face had cold, wet tears. The girl was afraid. Ryan, Grade 6