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Grown Up Rule #678: Always Keep Your Clothes Hung Up
Official Reason: It keeps your closet neat and tidy
Real Reason: The Fashion Ferret takes them for her home
My name’s Detective Erin,
And I’ve come here to say
That parents really lie to you
All throughout the day.
I know you must be wondering
What this is all about
But what I’m about to tell you
Is sure to make you shout!
Your guardians always tell you,
To pick your laundry up.
They say it keeps your closet clean
And all that other stuff.
Like our first president,
I never tell a lie.
There is a real reason to pick it up,
And I will tell you why.
Ever misplace your favorite shirt,
And search throughout the house?
The creature that stole it,
Is related to a mouse.
Her name is Fashion Ferret,
Your clothes make up her nest.
While your parents make up excuses,
She takes them while you rest.
Wooly sweaters, skinny jeans,
And socks are some stolen things.
The rodent though, will always leave
When she hears a ring.
That is why your mom and dad
Keep their phone sound on at night.
The Fashion Ferret actually gives
Your parents quite a fright.
There’s no reason to be alarmed,
I just thought that kids should know
The truth that lies behind a lie
While your parents put on a sh0w
Rule Number: 213
Official Reason: Don’t put your laptop on a soft surface
Real Reason: It will get very hot and summon a little flame that will cause a lot of light when you are trying to sleep. Also it will follow you around and annoy you wherever you go.
My aunt always told me
My dear old, Aunt Lee
To never put your laptop on a soft surface
Like a couch or a carpet. I respond with “Oh gee!”
She must be nuts
Why does she worry so much
If I put my laptop on a soft surface
All that will happen is she will be nervous
She says it can cause a fire
“Are you kidding?” I’d inquire
The worst that can happen is I step on the wire
I think my Aunt Lee might be a liar
But then it all happened
I had no one to blame
The little ball of fire is what I now call flame
It whispers me things that make me feel shame
I can’t even sleep
I can’t even say a peep
Without the little flame just saying “Beep!”
All I do at night is try to count sheep
A bully, a bully is what he is
All of my friends have become his
Whenever I drink soda
He makes the can fizz
I hate him, I hate him
Please get out of my sight
As I type this he is starting a fight
I should have listened to my dear Aunt Lee
Now I am getting watched and can barely see
If only, if only Aunt Lee was still here
I would tell her that the flame disappeared
I finally woke up and it was only a dream
Now I’m at school and I am fully redeemed
I definitely learned my lesson
I hope you did too
Now I’m getting told by you know who
I think my mom mentioned that it was Great Aunt Sue.
Gracen, 6th grader
Grown Up Rule # 14: Don't eat your boogers.
Official reason: it spreads germs,
but the real reason will make you squirm.
Are your ready to hear,
the grown up secrets that are quite queer?
Well here is the truth,
parents will be controlled by the youth.
When you choose to pick your nose,
you control your parents from their head to their toes.
Once long ago, this secret was found
Kids controlling their parents would soon be trouble-bound.
Life as kids knew it was going to change,
before kids' eyes things were getting strange.
Rules were in the past,
kids thought this would be a blast.
But what they didn't know,
was how wrong things were going to go!
With kids in charge,
troubles were getting large.
Parents decided they'd had enough,
into their mouths boogers they stuffed.
Sadly the kids' power was gone,
tomorrow a normal day would dawn.
Emma, 6th grader
Rule #44: Don't touch the windows.
Official Reason: It will smudge.
Real Reason: Your house will flood.
When you touch the windows with your grubby mitts covered in who-knows-what, the window is utterly disgusted and simply MUST take a bath. It is a known fact that windows are clumsy and forgetful, so the window will fall asleep in the bath and wake up with water sloshing all over the bathroom. The window will think it's a dream and go right back to sleep!
By the time you realize what's going on, your house will already be flooded. Not only that, it was once found that a single, dirty, sleepy window flooded an entire neighborhood! So, do yourself a favor, keep those hands away from the windows, unless you wanna go for a swim!!
Gavin, 6th grader
Grown-up Rule # 4,444: Don't play with your food.
Official Reason: It's disgusting.
Real Reason: Your food will come to life and go on a rampage throughout the city.
Now children, please don't fiddle with your food, just eat it. We can't go through another Foodasaurus attack. Oh, you didn't know about Foodasuarus did you? Well, it was a beautiful day outside when a family was having a picnic. But the kids wouldn't eat their food; they were just playing with it. Something happened, the food blinked, grew legs and waddled away.
That's not it, all of the food in the town square started to form Foodasuarus. Foodasaurus stated to gobble up people. We had to call the military. They launched a missle straight at Foodasuarus. Foodasaurus swallowed the missile but in a few minutes we heard a loud beeping and the missle detonated; food was splayed everywhere! That is why you don't play with your food!